Throughout much of the spring and summer of this year, for nearly 8 weeks now, I have been dealing with vertigo, which at times has been debilitating. Many times it has felt as though I lived inside my own little tornado, spinning round and round. It has been a long journey. I am now on the road to healing, still have a bit of a journey to travel but am trusting that soon I will feel like my old self. (I am so thankful to be able to say that as of this update - August 10- the vertigo has been gone for over 2 weeks! Praise!)
[~~ I would like to preface this post by saying that I know many people deal with much worse conditions than this each and every day. What I experienced can in no way compare to what they endure. However, God is teaching me a lot during this time of illness and I feel compelled to share...]
1. When I think that I "can't take anymore" or that I have fully reached my limit, I can indeed push on.
For most of the better part of 2 weeks my world swirled around at a fast pace and my ears/face hurt so badly that at times I couldn't help sobbing. Several times I thought, I can not do this anymore... well... I did do it and am now on the other side. ~smile
The really awesome truth is that while I was tired and weak, I didn't have to do it in my own strength.
2. Although I hate to, there are indeed times to say, "I need help" and "I need prayer."
I, like most people, hate admitting there is a problem. Even writing this post is not easy for me. I hate to be seen as weak or sickly in any way. There were times, though, when I did need help- physically couldn't do what needed to be done and am thankful that others were here to help! I admit to feeling like a bit of a failure for doing so, but if the meal was going to get made, the floors washed, dishes done, etc - someone else had to do it.
At one point I had reached an all-time low and I knew I NEEDED others to pray for me. I sent an email to a friend asking for prayer. Later that night God did a great work in my heart. During this trial I was doing my best to "accept" this as a time of learning from God. However, God made it clear to me that night that He wanted me to REJOICE in it. Yes, that is right. While everything was spinning around so badly that I had all I could do to walk from my couch to the bathroom, while the pain was so bad in my ears/face that I thought my ears would explode... during this He wanted me to live a life of rejoicing in Him. A life of passion, fullness, and richness in Christ my Savoir!"Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice." ~Philippians 4:4
"But let all those that put their trust in thee rejoice: let them ever shout for joy, because thou defendest them: let them also that love thy name be joyful in thee." ~Psalm 5:11
"Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience." ~Romans 5:1-3
What can I say? He has proved Himself time and time again to me. While having an MRI the pain in my head was extreme - I thought it was more than I could bear. As I was about to push the little "get me outta here" bulb, I felt His presence in an incredible way- nearly physically, as if He held me. I can't adequately explain it. God is so good!"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." ~Psalm 46:1
4. Life will go forward and events will happen, even while I'm sick.
During this period of time, my oldest son and daughter in law were married. It was a time I had been looking forward to and praying about for years...yet I don't remember a time that I ever felt so sick. It was really hard for me not to help out more than I did, not to walk around and chat with people at the reception... God blessed wonderfully though, He allowed me to light the candle during the ceremony without even a wobble and I would hazard a guess that the average person attending probably had no idea what was going on with me (I hope!).Yes, He is an awesome God!
The wedding went off without a hitch and was truly beautiful...
I have another daughter-in-love!!!
5. I can sit/lay on my couch for the better part of 2 weeks and I will not die of boredom...
Hours and hours of sitting and spinning around, not able to read, hardly able to think. I enjoy spending my days working in the garden, taking walks in the woods, reading, writing, visiting others, keeping busy... to sit like that and not even be able to read.....So thankful that is past. ~smile.
All I was able to do was call out to Him in prayer much of the time. I called upon Him and He heard me- I knew I was not alone. At times I would get discouraged (yes, very discouraged more than once) and doubt my ability to go on but I never doubted His presence (although, a couple of times I did ask "Why?").
In this time as well, He taught me that when I have a limited window of time to read, the only thing truly worth reading is the Word of God. When I could only read in snippets, nothing else would do.
live it with passion ....